Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Religion in the Lion's Den

According to the St Petersburg Times A Ukranian Christian attempted to evangelize the nation by playing Daniel in the Lion's Den. Witnesses reported on the man's grisly death. "The man shouted 'God will save me, if he exists', lowered himself by a rope into the enclosure, took his shoes off and went up to the lions...A lioness went straight for him, knocked him down and severed his carotid artery."

Now I am not trying to suggest here that most Christians are foolish enough to place any of this sort of trust in God, and when faced with a Lion in a Lion's Den the typical Christian would call for someone they do trust, such as their military forces or the police. As I have noticed there are a lot of Christians who place all their trust in the police, and they also trust in Caesar and Caesar's sword. You have to trust someone. As it states, somewhat curiously I thought, in the Book of Romans in the Christian Bible, God was going away and staying away for a very long, long time, and in God's absence God gave Caesar the right to whack everyone with the sword. Someone had to do it, you see, so the logic here is that since according to that book of Romans God would not be saving anyone, that job was therefore sensibly outsourced to the true savior of the book of Romans, Caesar and Caesar's sword. Of course God also authorized Caesar to maintain law and order and protect and save Christians by authorizing Caesar's crucifix so that Caesar could torture to death house burglars and other miscreants. This little detail the book of Romans fails to mention, for as we know if there is one thing a Christian would like to forget it is Caesar's crucifix, since that might make Caesar look bad if people were to remember that instrument of torture that Caesar employed to hold together that Roman slave driving economic system. The book of Romans blames the crucifixion and torture of that Jesus character upon God who authorized Caesar to torture that Jesus to death like a house burglar so that he could 'take my place on the cross.' You can see that there is nothing inherently wrong with a crucifix and really, when you consider that we all have the original sin from Adam, as the book of Romans teaches us, and that therefore we all deserve to go straight to hell, it becomes clear then that I deserve to be tortured to death by the state. We all do. That's why God told Caesar to crucify rebellious slaves and burglars and political and religious dissidents, and that is why God wanted Caesar to torture that Jesus to death so that he could take my rightful place on the cross thus causing me to be saved by the blood of this lamb.

It is good that Christians invented religion and its right wing doctrines because otherwise people would be thinking that Caesar went around crucifying rebellious slaves only to have God raise his victims from the dead. If people were not trained to think in right wing ways by such documents as gospels and that book of Romans then they would start thinking like Moses, and that would be the ruin of that Pharoah known as Caesar, and then Christians would not have a savior at all because Caesar would be ruined and disgraced. Who would save a Christian from the Lion's Den, for pragmatic and practical sorts like Christians know that God is useless and quite good for nothing, and no reasonable Christian who has not lost their marbles would ever do something so dicey as to trust God in the midst of some lion's den. They know better. God is useless and one thing you can say for Caesar and his sword and his crucifixes is that you might, perhaps, be able to put some faith in Caesar and maybe, from time to time, you might even get saved by Caesar but you just never, ever get saved by God. Not even once. Religious people of all faiths know this elementary fact which is why the behave as they do. Their gods are the gods of the dead who live in heaven while playing that guessing game of salvation with everyone down here where you have to just take your best guess as to whether or not religion is a pile of bullshit and then you must drop dead before you will ever find out the final answer.

This is not such a great deal, and it is for this reason, because even religious people know that they just got a lousy deal, that we find religious people saying formal prayers, that don't mean anything, then it is off to support the police or some other outfit they really do trust. They do it all in the name of God, for before that God of theirs left the scene and went on a long vacation that God left behind documentation authorizing Christians to support the police by supporting much tougher sentences, such as crucifixion perhaps, or at the very least lethal injections.