One novel way of dealing with that intractable problem posed by the Bible might be the technique employed by that outgrowth of guilt ridden Pentecostal religion, the gay church movement which is currently pioneering ‘gay marriage’, the Metropolitan Community Church. The way this method works is that first you run a white flag up the flag pole, and surrender to the religious right. Yes, the religious right did burn up everyone’s books in the fourth century and then, yes, they did vote in their own books, thus giving us all a right wing Bible problem, for as we all know the right wing can always back up their positions (if they ignore the prophetic contradictions) by quoting right wing Bible verses. This is called paving a road, which is what the religious right did so very long ago, just so that they could make damn sure that the right wing could win every Bible argument forever, just so long as no one read the contradictory prophetic verses.
This is very troublesome, especially for guilt ridden ex-Pentecostals. The only solution is to accept those Bible verses as scripture and then begin to torture the fuck out of those things, for it must be that these holy verses are ‘misinterpreted’. I have already tried spanking those gay churches for their naughtiness in the past, and apparently I must still spank them some more, for they are such good and well behaved little churches, when they aren’t kissing dickie or clitty, that is, which isn’t a bad practice , because the bible was just misinterpreted.
Yes, they are the church queers, and they are well behaved, and they are showing it by being very respectable and getting the proper paper work done before they kiss dicky or clitty, and they are also leading the rebellious battle cry, ‘it is my Bible as well’, which is false, because it might be half their Bible and the rest of that shit should just simply be thrown onto a right wing manure pile where it belongs. It would be a waste of time to torture a new ‘interpretation’ out of those right wing verses since they mean exactly what they say, thus leaving the right wing to accuse fag preachers of corruption, and having the charge stick because those dykes and homos were unable to ditch the shit, but instead made themselves appear devious and tricky by struggling to torture the exact opposite meaning out of some piece of right wing swill. Such is the price of being very respectable and very married stereotypically respectable and very acceptable middle class type fags and dykes, who don’t rock boats, and who therefore in their drive to become respectable accept scripture so as not piss off churches so that churches will become real fond of them, provided that they only kiss one dicky or clitty forever and ever and are in loving and very committed relationships.
Just as an aside, I thought I would also mention that now that the world is being divided up between good fags and bad fags, I should remind people of how I am more the Garden of Eden type myself, and thus one of the really bad ones. Being ever so bad as I am, that isn’t likely to change and is especially important right now given the dangerous signs of an emerging apartheid system. Someone is going to have to be very naughty and unrespectably unacceptable, and I guess it will have to be me, now won’t it. After all somebody has to be a genuine sexual revolutionary on this fucked up weirdo planet.
While I am on the topic of respectable married church fags and dykes, I thought I would also take the opportunity to spank that collection of fags and dykes for that bad practice of building bridges of understanding to every carved stump block on the planet. According to this theory you can catch more bees with honey. The problem is that these are not bees, they are flies, and you catch more flies with piles of shit, which then explains why there are all these piles of shit found in the Garden. As for bees eating shit like flies do, bees are supposed to drink nectar and make honey. Only flies eat shit. It’s just a natural law.
As for that bit about attracting more bee support by offering honey all I can say is that this lovely strategy has always been such a big fucking success in the past, which would then explain why you always found nice prophets like the Prophets of YAHWEH or that ‘Jesus’ in those parables always being careful to be very fucking nice to everyone all the time, thus coming out on top at the end of it all. This works great, and given all the cheek turning on this planet and all the evil which was finally stopped by heart touching cheek turning, well the results speak for themselves.
For this reason I must continue to blow up your ‘bridges of understanding’ just as I have warned you about in years in past, but apparently I need more explosives because you respectable church queers just keep building more of those bridges to worthless idols, those immobilized carved stump blocks, those fig leaf peddling snakes in the Garden, that I then need to blow up before those snakes can crawl over those bridges and bite yet again. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure and I would prefer to prevent that nasty snakebite than play nursemaid to the wounded millions, for an ounce weighs less than a pound. I just don’t like really hard work, you see. For that reason I think I would prefer to take you people over my knee and spank you than to deal with the inevitable fucked up aftermath of your screwed up policies. It would be easier to stop you than it would be to clean up your mess later, you see.
By the way, one last thing. As you know one of your Metropolitan Homo Preachers just was given the highest award, the Order of Canada, for service to society by marrying homos and dykes. This was after years of fighting in courts and so on, with the government battling him tooth and nail. Everyone was surprised at this sudden change of heart, except for me. You see, he is a good and very well behaved homo, and not a really bad homo like me, and therefore they decided that perhaps it was time to make a role model out of a good homo in the hopes that somehow this might help them to deal with a very very bad homo. Remember this is Canada’s very right wing government, with a strong base in the religious right, and they have just spent the last few years bashing homo weddings to shore up their political base, and now, much to your delight and surprise, they are developing a sudden fondness for you well behaved fags. You see, as bas as you looked before, you still look a lot fucking better than a really bad blogging homo such as myself, and so your strategy of setting out honey is now paying off, and you are moving up in the world, as your lover shows up, showing just what a great fucking strategy that was the whole time. Just thought I would share this with you people because you might be wondering about why you suddenly and unexpectedly started receiving those dozen roses, followed no doubt by a box of chocolates and then perhaps a diamond ring. You see the status quo has decided to marry you, lucky dear, now that an outrageous and very bad homo has alarmed the status quo by building up a fan base among porno stars and various fags and dykes. Something must be done, and so it seems you are about to get married, dear, in more ways than one, as your good behavior and your many appeals to the status quo suddenly, and quite unexpectedly result in a loving proposal of marriage, thus proving what a great fucking strategy you have. Nothing succeeds like success and so I would suppose I will have to be spanking you people all the time from now on, given how convinced you will become in your fucked up mind that this proposal of marriage was somehow a great fucking result of your past strategy.