Tuesday, October 2, 2007

The Anti-Moses

It is interesting to note that many of those famous Bible contradictions exist because of the ancient quarrels that were constantly busting out between the Prophets of YAHWEH and the priests. It was the priests who got in the last word, for as you know we always have priests, but we don’t have Prophets of YAHWEH, or if we do, we don’t have them for long for while people have been willing to put up with a priest the same cannot be said of those unbearable prophets. It was the priest therefore who got in the last word, which is why the Bible is contradictory, for even though the Prophet told the priest that the religion was a forgery and fraud, the priest included that religion. However, because people always become fond of a Prophet of YAHWEH given enough time to get over being so fucking pissed off about it all, the priest was also forced to include the Prophet of YAHWEH, for the priest did get in the last word, but not the only word. The priest was also able to fuck up the Prophet of YAHWEH by including contradictions in the Prophet of YAHWEH, as is the custom of priests when they are given the final task of editing and then voting on books, which is another way of getting in that last final fucking word.

One of the most interesting controversies that kept busting out between the priest and the prophet, was that big quarrel over ‘liberation theology’, with the priest being against it and the prophet for it. As everyone knows this ancient quarrel is still as fresh as a daisy, since fighting off and stomping down ‘liberation theology’ is one of the big tasks taken on by this present Pope, and was something he was busy at even when he was just some bishop or a cardinal. The more things change the more they stay the same.

According to the priest, we cannot have ‘liberation theology’ because it would distract people from the really important doctrines of religion. This isn’t saying much for religion and its doctrines, for you would think that something as peachy keen as liberation could comfortably split a suite with religion and its lovely doctrines, but, alas, you would be wrong, and that priest will never stop the attempt to evict that unwelcome house guest.

According to Jeremiah, in the seventh and eighth chapters of that pamphlet, God did not tell those priests to offer animal sacrifices, which would mean that some priest wrote such pieces of religious tripe such as Leviticus. It also never entered God’s mind that those people would offer up human sacrifices by burning people at the stake, which once again makes us wonder why the priest would tell us, in pieces of tripe such as Leviticus, that such thoughts did enter the mind of some so called god when someone was caught illegally fucking. You see the big reason for stoning someone to death or burning them on a stick was also fucking or sucking, but according to that prophet such an idea never entered the mind of God, but since the prophet then tells us that the priests were forging those stories about Moses and the laws that Moses brought down that mountain side, it is obvious then that the idea must have originated in the mind of the priest. Apparently those priests in those days were the fig leaf peddling snake, thus explaining how that idea entered into their heads.

Yes, these are the scandalous attacks on the Laws of God that are found in Jeremiah, that is, when Jeremiah is not calling for people to do those laws forever and ever until the end of time, for Jeremiah was a document also edited and touched up by priests, and so naturally it is found, like the rest of the Bible, to be all fucked up and contradictory. However we can safely assume that the scandalous sermons of Jeremiah calling those Moses up the Mountain stories forgeries is the true Jeremiah, since no priest would ever write down something like that, and as for the rest of that contradictory shit Jeremiah supposedly taught people when he went through another one of his schizoid personality changes, that would be the priest who actually wrote down that shit, for we know it certainly sounds like something a priest would write, while what Jeremiah actually wrote does not sound like a priest at all. This then explains that no matter how much fun I have quoting Jeremiah, this has never become a trend and those Bible tutors who take us through the entire Bible always consistently do a hop, skip, and a jump over that part, which is understandable, because you must hop over something, and if you were not planning to skip Leviticus, then you must do the hop and the skip in the book of Jeremiah, so that the next time you can do Leviticus once again. It just logically follows.

Now we know that when have religion, we have a hobby to keep us busy, and in fact so busy that we don’t have time to be distracted from really important spiritual doctrines by something like ‘liberation’. Liberation is something best left in the dark, and very distant past, so far back in the past that it is even further back in the past than that time that Moses went up a Mountain and brought down big piles of religion. Before this time Moses was practicing liberation theology, by rescuing the slaves out of Egypt. This just financially ruined the Egyptian slave drivers, so we are told, as well as bringing down Pharaoh, and destroying all his military power. Apparently these are the sorts of ideas that give the priest an ulcer, which then would explain why the priest is the Anti-Moses.

If you read the Christian documents, you will find there the scribblings of the right wing hawk, the Anti-Moses. Slaves, the hawk says, obey your masters, with fear and trembling, just as you obey Christ. Slaves, obey your masters, including those who are harsh. Every now and then that right wing Anti-Moses will explain that we don’t want any liberation theology for we do not want to upset the status quo, because that sort of thing might cause people to complain and say bad things about us, and we don’t want that. No, we want to be respectable members of the status quo, so that people will love our religion and eventually make it the official religion. This would happen because we did not rock the boat. We were not boat rockers, therefore we achieved a great victory and became part of that status quo ourselves, just devoted to maintaining that status quo forever and ever and ever, for if there is one thing the god likes it is law and order. That is why the god gave Caesar a big sword, and any revolutionary deserves a whack with that big sword for Caesar is the servant of the god, appointed to take over rulership and crush sinfulness and rebellions while that god went away for a very long vacation. Someone needed to watch over the shop and because there would be no god around to crush the slaves if they got out of line, that job would be outsourced to Caesar. Someone had to do it. Until then let everyone remain fixed in their social positions. Let the poor remain the poor. Let the slaves remain the slaves, knowing secretly down in their hearts that while they might be obedient slaves who were not rocking boats or bringing slave drivers to financial ruination, they were fraternal brothers in Christ with that slave driver and for that reason, in the love of Christ, they should work happily and lovingly as a slave, knowing that while they were not rocking boats and thus becoming real popular and an official part of the status quo at the same time, they were also enslaved by a fellow brother in Christ, so even if they were not equal in a strange and mystical way they were equal, and that would have to be good enough until everyone dropped dead and went to heaven where suddenly there would be real justice, for the god only wanted injustice perpetuated on earth but not in heaven where the whole fucking mess would finally be straightened out, provided that slaves were real good and worked hard down here and earned lots of brownie points with the god in the process.

The above is my summation of the teachings of the Anti-Moses in the Christian Bible, for the benefit of those of you who are not real familiar with the document.

We know that the Anti-Moses burned all the books of everyone else who was not an Anti-Moses, and we know that it was only the Anti-Moses who created doctrines and voted on acceptable documentation. We also know that the Anti-Moses burned down the Great Library at Alexandria. Here was all the accumulating knowledge of humanity, including the emerging sciences. For you see, the ancient Greeks did not just invent democracy, they also invented science, and were at about the same stage science was at a few centuries ago, first becoming aware of the existence of such things as atoms and molecules, and so on. As we know the Anti-Moses became part of the status quo and completely destroyed democracy and science as well, for these were liberating and remember, this was the Anti-Moses at work here. Instead of landing a man on the moon around the fourth century that would have to wait until the twentieth century, and even then it would involve centuries of battle with that Anti-Moses who did not love science or democracy any better in the sixteenth and seventeenth century than he did in the first three or four.