Saturday, September 22, 2007

The Garden of Eden or Heaven: a thought experiment

I am the preacher of ‘the Garden of Eden’. This would then, out of necessity, make a sworn enemy of that enemy of the Garden, the Fig Leaf Peddling Snake. Now as we know, based upon our mythological legend, the Garden is a naked sexual paradise where people are free to do anything they want and can live in complete liberty as human beings who are simply being human, while being buck naked at the same time. The only prohibition in that Garden Paradise would be that bit about not eating any poisoned apples. It is typical of such poisoned apples to be found right in the very center of that Garden, the place of honor, you see. So then, it just logically follows that even though some poisonous tree is highly honored and given pride of place in that Garden, it is still forbidden to follow custom and eat that poisoned fruit, for it is the one thing that is forbidden in the Garden.

Poisoned fruit is a type of religious fruit, and this we know, for when some deceitful Snake slithers into that Garden Paradise that snake promises that eating from that forbidden tree in the very center of the Garden will make a person ‘wise like God, knowing the difference between good and evil.’ This is the claim of religion, as we know, and it is religious law which claims to teach people the difference between ‘good and evil.’ The end result of eating such poisonous fruit is that naked Adam and naked Eve will no longer be found naked in a sexual paradise, but instead will become modest Adam and neurotic Eve, preserving their chastity by covering their shameful parts with fig leaves. They will also become very superstitious and will be found hiding from God in the bushes. So then we know that the poisoned fruit we must avoid if we wish to remain in the Garden of Paradise is any kind of religion which promotes chastity and modesty while also terrifying the people with rotten superstitions that cause them to become afraid of God and go into hiding.

If you see a religion like that one you might want to avoid all contact. This would mean avoiding pretty much every religion on the planet since as we all know they are all hostile to sexual paradise and the Garden, they all promote the most Holy Fig Leaf, they all claim to make people ‘wise like God’ and proclaim laws and rules and regulations which they claim teach us ‘the difference between good and evil’ but at the end of it all the only result they produce only Fig Leafed Adam and Eve of the Purified and Eternally Chaste Pussy, while nailing it all down with the terrorist attacks of a truly rotten superstition.

As we know, when Adam and Eve become stupid and show their stupidity by becoming ‘modest’ and ‘chaste’ the end result is that both Adam and Eve get expelled. This is a harsh punishment indeed, and they are sent out of the Garden to sweat and toil as they work to produce something known as ‘wealth’ for a collection of slave driving bastards. Fortunately all this sweating and toiling takes place outside the gates of Eden and fortunately Adam and Eve have been expelled from the Garden and so it would be true that while Adam and Eve would have the Most Sacred of Religions they would have no God whatsoever, and for one very hell of a hell of a hell of a long long long long time. Who knows, if that hell of a long time drags out for ages of time and that religion of theirs has no God for such a long long time that finally everyone just gives up on the idea of God altogether, perhaps then, and only then, might Adam and Eve get a few brains and finally grasp the concept that they did not become wise like God when they ate that poisonous religious apple, but rather they were expelled, the proof of their expulsion having been right before their eyes for so many long ages of time and pretty hard to miss for that very reason.

Now let us assume, just as a thought exercise, that there was no looming terrorist threatening to barbeque Adam and roast Eve should they be found without fig leaf. Let us assume that people have the freedom to think for themselves without violent coercion or bullying. If people were given the choice of returning to the Garden, a naked sexual Paradise or they were given the alternative choice of being castrated or devaginized and going to a sexless sterile religious Heaven to participate in rituals such as glorifying the lamb or adoring the revealed face of God, etc., etc., etc., assuming that people were free to choose, which choice would they make.

The answer is obvious. Loveless people who secretly hate the old tyrant would choose to go to Heaven, where you don’t need love anymore than you need love in some church or mosque. All that is required for Heaven is religion, and even the most ruined loveless sorts can manage that much. Loving people would be free to choose the Garden of Paradise, which requires a lot more from a person, which would then explain why the loveless Cain of this world would be viciously attacking loving Able, and even murdering Able as a human sacrifice to some idol, for Able is fit to live in the Garden but that ruinously poisoned Cain is not.